I am a needy, self-involved four-year-old when it comes to people doing stuff without me. It's just, if people I like and who like me are doing stuff I think is fun, I wanna be notified. But sadly for me, I think I was cursed as a behbeh all Sleeping Beauty style to be perpetually left out of the loop. Yargh.
I might just be a smidge more paranoid than normal though, since the whole "two of my best friends turned into giant flakes of flakiness and stopped talking to and hanging out with me and my other good friends." It kind of really bums me out that all of this happens now specifically, in the months where we're all supposed to be coming together more than ever before we all leave and everything changes for good. I've been looking forward to this time for a while, and it hurts my tummy that people I used to be really close don't want to be there for it. I also have this stupid thing where I haaaaaate seeing photos of all these people having a grand ol' time without me. Like I said, needy, self-involved four-year-old.
Whatever. By next September it won't even be a problem anymore.
Bitter Austen out!
So I feel obligated to post something about this, and I really hope you don't feel bad or anything about this, because that is not the intention at all. No, I'm perfectly happy now and I'm not upset and I don't want to make this make you feel bad, so sorry if it does.
ReplyDeleteI guess the reason I'm commenting this is because this post showed me how similar we all are, and I wanted to share that with you.
A year ago, I felt the same thing, except the feelings of abandonment where directed at you and a few other people. I spent several months mulling over facebook photos of things I wasn't it, convinced that it was somehow a MISTAKE, that I should have been invited. But it hurt. Each get together of you hanging, each message back and forth. The avoidance whenever I tried to schedule something with you.
Now I get it, there's reasons why we aren't friends anymore (probably). All I know is I grow as a person constantly and I'm sure I was an annoying paranoid kid who demanded to know what people were doing when they weren't able to hang out. I get that. I know we grew apart slowly -- oddly too. How great friends we were in ninth grade when we laughed and you said "I'm so glad I'm meeting people that are actually cool!" When I stole Maddie's backpack in promise of being her best friend, of course now I realize how empty those words were and foolish I was. "I would love you forever if you did this" as an idiom...
As I'm writing this now, I'm debating posting it. I'm sure as hell not going to edit, so this is going to come out as a long rant of words. I really do not hope to bring you harm. I've come to terms with our relationship ending. And after my bitterness I've come to see you again. I mean for a while I just saw a complete bitch who betrayed me -- haha-- but it's never fair to do judge someone after something like this. No, I see you now, as the awesome, talented girl you are. I think we have so much in common, and yes, while what happened hurt, it's not your fault I guess. You have a great voice and acting talent, and you are truly a cool person.
Then why am I writting this on your blog? Well I'm starting a blog and I decided to look around for other chadwickian blogs, found yours, clicked on this post and I had to respond. I just want everyone to know how similiar we all are. This is the beauty in the universe of humans. Fuck I bet I sound pretentious as shit right now. Let's through in some uncivililzed fucking cuss words. Damn. There we go.
Anyway, I feel the same emotions of feeling like I'm left out and being a "needy, self-involved four-year-old." I also know that facebook is probably the reason we aren't friends.
Anyway, no hard feelings, if you want, we can talk face to face. But who wants confrontation, right?