JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME GET OVER YOU

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I Just Gotta Get it Off My Chest:

I hate being left out.

I am a needy, self-involved four-year-old when it comes to people doing stuff without me. It's just, if people I like and who like me are doing stuff I think is fun, I wanna be notified. But sadly for me, I think I was cursed as a behbeh all Sleeping Beauty style to be perpetually left out of the loop. Yargh.

I might just be a smidge more paranoid than normal though, since the whole "two of my best friends turned into giant flakes of flakiness and stopped talking to and hanging out with me and my other good friends." It kind of really bums me out that all of this happens now specifically, in the months where we're all supposed to be coming together more than ever before we all leave and everything changes for good. I've been looking forward to this time for a while, and it hurts my tummy that people I used to be really close don't want to be there for it. I also have this stupid thing where I haaaaaate seeing photos of all these people having a grand ol' time without me. Like I said, needy, self-involved four-year-old.

Whatever. By next September it won't even be a problem anymore.

Bitter Austen out!

Dreams last night involved:

My mom's birthday, Zoef asking me what the plans were to celebrate, Ashley Shaw coming over with a giant blanket, my dad getting angry, SWITCH TO: me 'n Johnny Depp in a Pirates situation (think 'boat sinking'), me being his faaaavorite, him helping me fasten the wrists of my puffy shirt with someone else who I don't remember, two middle schoolers coming in and telling me they thought we were gyrating (they pronounced it wrong), SWITCH TO: sitting with amigos outside in Pittsburgh with a view of a bridge in a drawing class, David and Max sitting at a crowded table behind us, me being pleased as punch, and Max coming over to tell me how David was all over me last night and um, stuffing chips in my face?

There was more, fer sher, but I don't remember.

Now Where Were We?

I'm just gonna start with the obvious stuff: COLLEGE! Excitement? I thiiink so...not sure....but probably, since it means leaving and living on my own, two things I have very much liked in the past. It also, however, means leaving and living on my own, two things my skillz may not be up to snuff for. Anyways. So far I've been accepted to: Drew U (NJ), U of San Francisco (CA), U of Oregon (OR...), U of Colorado at Boulder (CO), Sarah Lawrence (NY), Boston U (MA), Fordham U (NY), and I've been waitlisted at Emerson (MA), UC Santa Cruz (CA), and Lewis and Clark (OR). I'm still waiting on Bard and SUNY-Purchase.

Nyahahaha, I have no regrets about applying to 15 schools!! Nor am I upset about being rejeced from UCLA, UCSD, and UCSB...I just needed my options and now I have them. I've got hot weather, cold weather, rainy weather, theater-y, nature-y, urban, middle of nowhere, party, nerdy, druggy, mellow....that should be enough, right? I'm not gonna have panic attacks when it comes time to choose between them, right?! Oh and I have to decide a few days before May 1. Which is in a few weeks.

This is weird.

Big, life-changing things like this (um, not gonna lie, just things in general) don't really hit me until they happen. Or sometimes after. Like, I don't think I'm feeling the full effect of the whole college shtick, probably won't until a few months in. But that's probably a good thing, some peeps over here are freaking right on out. I'm just excited to get my hands on my dorm room. Mmmm, collapsable space-saving containers.